Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
