It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
