I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
