Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
