I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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