Christians are straight up FREAKS
i will never coherently bang her
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
