I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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