ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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