Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
