just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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