fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
