I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
