so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
pop tarts are not kleenex
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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