So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
