I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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