I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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