meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
