Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
