He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
