remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize