omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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