you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
