so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
