she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
