its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
