My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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