I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
