So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
