I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
