Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
