i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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