She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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