if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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