I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
