I just saw a hot homeless man
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
