Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
