Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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