If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
