I can't watch pbs sober anymore
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
