Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
