problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
