ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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