Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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