I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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