dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
