Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
