shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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