when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there's paper in my vomit.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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