cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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