On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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