so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize