i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
