Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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