Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
