We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
