I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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