Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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