You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
