We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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