i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
