i would punch a child for taco bell
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
