Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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