I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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