we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
