So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
