he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
