I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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