i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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