this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
